Wednesday, December 31, 2003

woke up today with no intentions of getting out of bed early.
my yet again morbid dreams were then interrupted by a phone call.
the clock read 1255.

i sat on my bed, gazing out of the window, thinking how much life actually meant to me.
how much people would treasure me and how much i would too, for the latter.
the thoughts were all in reference to what my dream was about.
sure. im loving the way my life's working out.
but feels like im missing out on certain important bits here and there.

running away...from something i was too scared to face up.
the evil spirit in my dream that went ard possessing the people i cared most about.
its a representative of the hatred, greed, jealousy and etc. that draws a line between us.
i was slashed on the forehead once.
perhaps it meant that i was hurt in someway, physically or emotionally.
maybe i am hurt. just that im denying myself of those ugly emotions.
and then there's the dying pregnant dog with her fully-grown pup in her.
i tried to get the fetus out to make sure it died.
didnt quite catch the meaning of that. its really gruesome though.
too much of NEWBORN i guess.

maybe i had certain issues left unsolved for the day.
like they say, its always better to clear up those worrying thoughts for the day before retiring for the day, be it a small squabble or a huge fight.
pretty true i reckon.

i told him i was alright with the whole situation yada yada yada.
maybe i wasnt at all in the first place.
but i didnt mind making the sacrifices regardless how minimal the rewards were.
they still appeared as attractive to me.
perhaps its just another act of foolishness but it was certainly worth the try.

contradicting. that's him.
its got me all confused up there.

oh well, i shall give my mind some timeoff before the splitting headache is back.

anyways new year eve was well-spent.
its odd that i enjoyed working on the day itself.
there had so much fun yesterday.
the people were really determined on having a swell time.
it was good to see my manager smiling again.
met his wife and their kid. he's awfully cute, and terribly shy.

hope u guys had a fab time too. = )

the lass reminisces at 9:34:00 PM [comment]

she is falling low.find her escape.

Monday, December 29, 2003

:::here to haunt me.
or just a blessing in disguise?

supper with mr.bitch was good.
the usual ranting about his silly antics.
he's like a little child trapped in this grownup's body.
so innocent and pure.
he speaks childlike and behaves so too.
perhaps it was his innocence that caught my attention.
im me when he's around.
no need for any conservation. just be comfortable.

he is a gentle soul.
gets u cracking up easily. he's of great use when ure feeling blue.
his words sound so genuine.
its not easy picturing him as this serious guy.
im always giggling away when he gives it a go at being stern.
so not him. try jovial then.

is this what i think it is?
the anxiety that it might be him when my phone rings.
the disappointment after a long wait for his reply.
the thrill on the day im meeting him or the excitement the hour before that.
the butterflies when our hands touch by accident.

its that familiar feeling. coming back into this listless life of mine.

hours of conversation. left me almost satisfied.
such a sweet person. why have i met him only now?

we had a private talk.
to reassure if the feelings are true.
its comforting to know that this isnt a one-sided thing afterall.
i feel this relief now that ive been honest with my emotions.
but i start to regret if it was appropriate to spell out what i feel so early.
maybe its a blessing in disguise. perhaps not.
there was no consideration about the responsibilities that came along for liking him.
or am i ready to just let go and make another sacrifice like i did in my previous relationship?

i dont see us proceeding that quickly.
i prefer to let time unwrap this mystery for me. and let nature take its own course.
enough for all the pondering now.
i'll leave this to fate then.

obviously simpang wasnt that great afterall.
caused me food poisoning.
or is it just the biryani? hmmm.
the pull in my tummy almost made me faint.
i figured Appendicitis felt just like this.
took some medication which took so damn long to take effect.
it was before night then the pain was finally gone.

at last i caught SCARY MOVIE 3.
it wasnt that bad though i had higher expectations.
oh well. but my time was well-spent with my dearest friend.
so no complaints whatsoever.
missed my cammie.
it was great spending time with u after so long =)

tonight will probably catch MONA LISA SMILE.
-crosses fingers-

anyways.
what are your plans for NYE?
ive been questioned too many times.
me. no idea at all.
definitely not clubbing but alcohol will not be excluded.
or i'll just end up spending it with mr.bitch in any case.

hugs and kisses to my dearest DWAYNE.
im glad ure back sweety. jeez...i missed u heaps.
and yes, thanx for the vodka currant. heh.



the lass reminisces at 9:41:00 PM [comment]

she is falling low.find her escape.