Thursday, September 18, 2003

Reminise my thoughts

the week's been a horrible one for me.
prelims the whole week. but jeez.
i dont have any papers on friday, so it's day off.

oh wells. great diappointment in myself.
havent been studying much.
well, been trying to concentrate, but i guess the distractions are far more tempting.
hmm. lest its better than facing paper that doesnt speak out.

but thanx to u sweethearts nicole halim gracie dwayne raihan for encouraging me relentlessly. I hope i dont disappoint u guys. I wanna achieve something in life too = ) love ya.

he stills exists in my thoughts.
not that i like it. but i just cant help it.
its a real drag. spoils my day totally.
i cant be left alone, not even for a mere second.
my mind wont allow me to just rest for a while.
its getting so energy-consuming. exhaustion is following up closely.
studying does help, but not for long.
he disappears for a while, then comes back almost immediately whenever i see something he gave me, places we've been and whats not.
i miss him badly.
confused. not sure what lies ahead for us.
maybe we'd never speak to each other again, maybe we're be tt happy couple again. i dunno.
its hard to say for now. im still reproaching him for his mistakes, but i know deep within, feelings are still fresh.
ignoring it isnt helping at all. i can be pretentious, but i know ill give myself away.
time isnt quite an effective cure for broken hearts.
oh wells, we'll see.

its really silly how our life seems to be played around so much.
now that i need some time away, just alone. to heal my broken soul.
things dont seem to be going my way.
people i used to yearn for and loved are coming back. at the wrong time. when i dont their love around.
definitely, i wont refuse their concerns but i do need some quality time with myself.
im trying to get over a breakup, and now isnt really an appropriate time to try to win over my heart.
ex boyfriends have called up. crushes have been flooding my inbox.
can i tell them to hold up? contradicting.

im in a state of confusion as of now.
sending me these vibes arent really apt.
making me even more undecisive about myself and my feelings.
i dont like the way things are tkaing place.
my life's so haywired. pass me a grasscutter.

everyone's been a real sweetheart.
travis talking to me bout life and all. raihan showing concern and being there. real nice chap.
dwayne, such a cupcake. his entertainment that practically cheers me up.
if only i could keep them as my buddies and own them.
maybe ill buy them over = ) -evil laughters-

today was nice. met zack.
he's changed a lot. no more untidy slacks. just plain old zack with a new image and personality.
his dressing is really pleasing to the eye. neat tops and cool bottoms = )
no more slacks here and there. yep. fashionister spotted.
good that he's changed his attire. -thumbs up-
well, at least i dont feel intimidated walkng beside him anymore.
he's more understanding now. well, his mat traits are still there though.
but he's soemhow different. it just feels weird joking with him now.
i havent seen him in ages and then i hang out w/ him. its totally weird!
we talked a lot, but the conversation was vague.
not detailed like how buddies talk. hmm, maybe we should hang out more.
mahendran fell asleep and stood angie up. heh. tts funny.
how can mahenny fall asleep and miss out on a clubbing day? hah. people change?

heh. i miss elan too. yep.
big big crush. not quite an infatuation though.
ive been able to differentiate the two confusing emotions. good.
people tell me its a rebound. not quite either.
just missed the feeling of having acrush again, and yep, those butterflies in the tummy, and tingling feeling down my neck.
gosh. its scary. i havent dated for months now.
its not like me to do so. maybe its e 'season' period? when i get used to the feeling of being attached and no more movie dates and dinner.
honestly, i miss those lil flirting actions already. e not-so-sarcastic-but-interesting debates. those lil ure-so-annoying-but-i-like-it chats. owww. -thrills-

movie tmr. dwayne halim and gracie.
i hope elan makes it too = )

thanx for listening. hope it wasnt too boring though.
love y'all. -kisses and hugs-


the lass reminisces at 11:28:00 AM [comment]

she is falling low.find her escape.