Saturday, August 23, 2003

banished.secrets.unfold



today was sucha uneventful day.
just wasted and nothing condusive done.
meant to blog earlier but wasnt quite feeling up to it.
my schedule is empty.

sch ended late yest. had a math test.
its obvious im not gonna pass it anyhow.
yep. this is bad. i used to score distinctions for this subject.
but its really difficult, honestly.
e number of questions i left out amounted to 48marks.
yep. i spent my last 5 mins counting those thrown away marks instead of filling in e blanks.
didnt feel there was a point anyway.

rushed home. exhaustion caught up w me yet i was stubborn.
quickly changed and met Gracie.
we were shopping for my shoes and bags, and couldnt find anythign appropriate thou' i saw some shoes i liked but felt it didnt cost its worth.
Zack joined us. called me in e noon, and said he'd join me.
was good to see him. he's much better than e last time i saw him.
amusingly, in fact he looked quite smart.
no more mat image of his. nice work Zack. somehow he's much a better person now.
tts good. Zack went off to meet his friends at Embassy.
i really mean. i asked him : you mean now Ebassy allows mats to enter?
heh. well, he was quite irritated by my calling him mat and assosciating him w/ em. heh.
Gracie and I walked around aimlessly. we were bored shitless.
was ard my old modelling centre. decided to drop by.
they were closed. yep, for some of u who dont know, i used to do modelling.
but i stopped. didnt quite feel up for it. and it was time consuming. havent enough time to play.

had dinner at Shah alam. gracie was whining bout e $2 cheese prata she had.
yes. it was yummy, but certainly not worth tt much. chill aiight babe.
e boss is gonna get punished by God for not giving a free plate of mee goreng when u told him his veggies were half-cooked. hah.
we walked to Hendrix. it was empty.
none of em were there yet except e Birthday gal, joanne, gilian, nesh and some others.
i felt outta place. Gracie headed home.
e atmosphere just wasnt there. so wasnt e mood.
shaun and e guys werent there. missed em. its been ,say, two wks or so since i saw em. -sobs-

a big disappointment was tt e stupid loser mat, HYBRID (tts his nick on irc), didnt show up.
guessed as much. he didnt have any guts. wondered what happened to his backbone when his mother gave birth to him.
to think he called me a chink when he's a fucking M.A.T! and e dumbest one at tt.
he private messages me and tells me to fuck off. like wtf? u message me n u tell me to fuck off.
excuse me, do u have some problems coordinating ur concepts in e lil brain of urs?
or u forgot to bring along ur dictionary when u were bitching bout me?
i mean, HELLO, do i even know u? i dont even associate myself w/ MATS. urgh. they disgust me.
Lian? dont think so. if e lians in singapore had better dress senses, it wld have been a great help to e fashion industry. but trust me, i have much better dress sense than a one-size-smaller top tt makes e boobs look bigger, black thong and white tight pants.
Slut, if say so, i dont really care. many people think im a slut, so what? just because some things i do irritate them. i wasnt born to please eveyroneon earth. it requires far more effort and energy.
and please im certainly not cheap. i come w. a hefty price. even if u pawned ur entire assets, u still wouldnt be able to afford my branded tops, much less called me cheap.
and stop calling me a loser when ure already a big one oneself. i wonder whats on u is a dick, cause what is written on ur forehead reads PUSSY.
and u dont have to tell me malays are e founders of Singapore, i studied my social studies.
and dont be dissatisfied w what ure given, becoz e govt. saved jobs like sweeping e floor and washing toilets for u. some ppl dont even have jobs, so be grateful. be greedy and u just might step on e wrong foot.
so if u wanna look up e definition of e word LOSER, just look in e mirror, u just might get it if u think a lil harder. ;p

ps: this doesnt goes out to all malays. only those losers like Hybrid. if i did offend u, my apologises.

wasnt supposed to get high yest. but i ended up puking.
angie didnt make it. sad. badly wanted to hear what she had to say.
in short, yest was really a fucked up one.

had a talk w some friends earlier.
now im extremely confused by what i heard.
which path i take eventually still hurts me a lot.
secrets that were once secrets are no more.
now revealed before my ears.
it seriously hurts a lot. but i dont want to cry.
its not me to fall down just like that. and im not gonna let YOU see me hang my head low.
i just dont understand why this has to keep repeating time and time again.
im really sick of this. im too tired to deal w/ all this nonsense.
why do u always have to keep spoiling e good thigns in my life??
i never did anythign wrong to you, yet you have to destroy this lil hapiness left in me over and over.
i dont deserve this. u got ur happiness, y cant u let me have mine?
i know tt u think i stole something from u. but no, it was not my decision tt this happened.
i cant control fate can i??
im really despise all ur actions and i hate you!
u're really despicable. u beat around e bush and makes things seem like it wasnt ur fault.
ive seen through u. stop playing innocent. dont go around pretending to be victim and then approach my best friends.
fuck u! ure just e twin of HIM.
things are not meant to be, so why not let it go? why habor on what is lost?
u can hurt me, but u will never get what does not belong to u.
i tried, i tried very hard. to keep things going..but after all this setbacks, giving up is all tt i think of.
this is what uve been waiting for, isnt it? u always try to find means and ways of tearing me apart.
thanx to you, yet again, i hurt someone....


the lass reminisces at 4:33:00 AM [comment]

she is falling low.find her escape.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

what.a.piss.off



a thorn in the disguise of a rose . blogger just died on me.
my entire entry got wiped out totally.
yep. i feel so 'urgh..........!'
heh. yea nicole i know how it feel it feels.
u feel so much like beating up ur comp and swearing so bad!
yep i was so tempted to smash my screen.
instead i gave my comp a 'fierce' glare then muttered some curse.
hehe. silly me.
ok here's what all i can recall.

migraines. A severe, recurring headache, characterized by sharp pain and often accompanied by nausea, vomiting, and visual disturbances.
that's what i've been experiencing the whole of these 2 weeks.
doesnt sound good, yea?
fustration toppled with it. its hard to control but cant help it.
the moment i reach home. i pop two pills, and off to bed.
yep. been doing that e whole week.
it totally suck, i assure u that.
i cant even do what i want to. and all i can do is fall asleep to remove that pain in my head.
knowing that my O's are just 2 months away, and not being able to exercise the information into my head, is simply a pain in e ass.
man. like how is this helping me in my enrolemnt to poly?
bleahz. tough luck i guess.
its dumb but true. e last few nights, ive been crying myself to sleep.
afraid of failing my final year exam or being a failure itself.not sure why either.
guess its a win-or-lose situation. bleahz.
suck. hate this.
in my heart im like, 'woah. two more months, and im outta here. FOREVER!'
but e headache just wouldnt subside.
i wish i could just study without any interruptions.

went shopping with gracie on monday.
finally got e cloth for my banner.
hopefully ill be able to do it up by this weekend.
yep. any of u got any fabric paint or stuff, just pass it on to me ;p
hmmm, ideas running thru' my head.
great disappointment. that favourite pair of pink bubblegum ripcurlgurl sneakers and roxy bikini,
are SOLD OUT. they dont have anymore stocks, and they're not shipping in anymore either.
-pouts- sigh. im so so upset.
just when i scrimped up enough to splurge on these two items, they vanish forever!
i hate it!! not fair.
so 'urgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'.
yep. it totally ruined the rest of my day.

damn..ive totally fallen for this. an early pressie, anyone?? -winks-



sigh. here comes the migraine again. jeez. back to e bed.

shoutout to vic baby: darling, u'll be going off for two weeks. though it isnt a long peroid, ill still miss you just as much. u have to update us through ur blog or irc, so at least we know what u're up to aiight babe.
totally luv ya. muackies.

oh ya. the headache's really bad. maybe this would help ;p






the lass reminisces at 3:26:00 AM [comment]

she is falling low.find her escape.